Stop Bullying

In order to Stop Bullying when it is happening we need to take calm, courageous, assertive actions.

It is our job as parents to set an example for our children and guide them so they have what they need to deal with bullying whether they are the target, the bully or the witness.

START here

First, we need to figure out if it is indeed bullying. If you know it is bullying you can continue to the next step.

COACHES OPINION

This is just my opinion. As your coach, I must explain this is my perception only and you can take it in or not.

I believe we cannot FIGHT bullying, we cannot be ANTI-bullying, we cannot push against or go to war against bullying. WHY?

Because the people we would be going to war against are our children, friends and neighbours. There are just as many bullies as there are targets out there.

I suggest in my humble opinion that we must strive to be bully free personally, within our families and communities.

This idea was born from all the research and studies I have done. We cannot be bully free until everyone has their needs met in a positive and constructive way. This is where I am coming from. We need to let go of the fight and simply start moving towards something better. The bullying will get left behind.

I also want to add as we work to be bully free there will be many others fighting against bullying. This is ok too. To ease the situation and make the process simpler I choose to be bully free.

Prevention is important

There are several stages to bullying. Prevention, Intervention (dealing with), stopping it and then dealing with the effects. Ideally, I believe prevention is key. The way we parent our kids, the atmosphere created at school and the messages kids hear in the community can go a long way to prevent bullying from occurring.

Sadly, Bullying Happens

My guess is... if you are reading this you believe your child is being bullied or is behaving like a bully.

It is a fact of life. The Bullying Statistics don’t lie. In my own research talking to kids I know 98% of our kids are going to deal with bullying on some level.

What can we do to STOP bullying?

SO, What as Parents can we Do if we know our child is involved ?

To stop bullying once it has started can depend largely on:

level of bullying
type of bullying
who the bully is (are)
there reason or excuse for it
actions taken previously (if any)
who is intervening

As a Parent you may not like the options available to you. However, there are many solutions that will create improvement across you and your child's life.

A true story

I know when it happened to my youngest daughter on the bus…I was soooooo angry. I mean livid…not very rational or calm at all. My Youngest was being picked on by a girl 4X her size. Even my older daughter was afraid of this child. I wanted to go and thump the Mom...

That was obviously not an option.

My options included:

removing my child (for me would have meant driving her to and from school everyday)
increasing adult presence on the bus
teaching my child at 5 years old to defend herself
working with my child to communicate assertively
getting my child to sit at the front of the bus
suggesting to the school: the bully be removed from the bus, have to sit at front of the bus, teaching the child to use words not hands, empathy training for child (note I have no control over these options I can just suggest them).

I really felt for the Mom. Single parent with 4 kids, two of which had special needs. These would be considered Bullying Excuses

YIKES!! But UH, HUM, my kid was still getting bullied.

Eventually the problem was resolved. I had to deal with a lot of bullying beliefs. I discussed the situation with the school bus driver, then the teacher, and finally the principal. I worked with my daughter on the things we did have control of and persisted. The school then discussed it with the parent and eventually the parent removed the child from the bus. Sadly, this was only after my child defended herself and there was nothing I could do to assist the child who was doing the bullying.

action steps to stop bullying

The appropriate action as a parent depends on the type of bullying and the level it has reached. I continued to advocate for my Daughter until the bullying stopped.

We can be part of the solution by staying calm and advocating for our child. Even though I was angry and irrational...I waited till I was capable of problem solving and dealing with the situation in an assertive manor.

In order to Stop bullying we need to :

understand what is happening.
Talk to our kids and get all the details
find solutions appropriate to the Bullying level
Refuse to give in to bullying beliefs
Be assertive
Be persistant, follow through with an action plan if your first attempts are not successful you must continue trying

Many times bullying happens under the radar and an adult cannot simply intervene. Parents can look for warning signs of bullying and problem solve with their child to help stop the bullying.

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