BULLYING EXCUSES

Bullying excuses are about the way a bully makes it ok to treat someone with contempt.

In my opinion Bullying excuses do not hold water. Really, to continually, repeatedly attack a person knowing you are hurting them …there is no reason…no excuse big enough to make it ok.

As Parents we need to stop making up excuses and minimizing the damage being done.

BULLYING EXCUSE #1: we make it socially and culturally OK

I have a good personal example. We were having a 3 family BBQ. It was a wonderful evening with friends. There were lots of other families on the beach having BBQ’s too. In Australia that is what they do…

There were several boys playing and a fight broke out. I stood up to say something and my husband grabbed my arm. My neighbor shook his head and said don’t get involved…”Boys will be Boys”. I sat down sheepishly… This is just one of many culturally believed Bullying Beliefs that needs to be challenged.

We discussed it among the families (from Canada and Australia) and everyone around the table agreed with my husband. “Boys will be Boys”

WHATEVER!! If we don't get involved who will?

What kind of reason/excuse is that? Boys will be Boys…So boys should not learn when enough is enough…Boys should not learn ways to resolve differences without violence and problem solve…OMG and OMG again…Think about this…

Our children are inundated with violent movies and video games that are created to be more and more realistic. This de-sensitizes everyone to the harmful effects of bullying.

BULLYING EXCUSE #2: YOu're not good enough

“You’re not Good Enough”

Those who bully often make up reasons and excuses in their own minds to treat other people badly. Kids who appear to the bully to be weaker or some how not good enough are seen as targets.

“that kid is annoying…What a nerd… he is such a loser, she is stupid, he deserved it…she has funny ears, he wears weird clothes, he smells funny, she is wimpy, he needs to toughen up for the real world, she is not wearing the right label, he is gay, she has colored skin and on and on…there are as many reasons as there are children.

Being excluded or left out of groups or shut out of friendships is a type of bullying called social bullying.

BULLYING EXCUSE #3: You're too different

Some groups (“cliques”) are designed to exclude others for no particular reason at all. They are formed in order to make their members feel superior to others. They have no special abilities or interests and their definition of “good enough” always changes.

I was a school yard supervisor for a brief time. One day a beautiful little girl, well dressed for the weather came over to me crying because her "friends" would not allow her to play. Yesterday she was not wearing snow pants so she was not allowed into the group. Today she was wearing snow pants but the kids would not allow her to play as she was not wearing the right kind of mitts...These are 6 year olds socially excluding one child...for no real reason...

I am not talking about clubs like the chess club..obviously if you don't play chess and have no interest you are not welcome to join...Or Soooooo many other clubs or groups of people with similar interest or knowledge...people are excluded all the time.

Kids who are bullying are capricious... change the criteria for joining for no reason other than to exclude someone and be hurtful

The World is full of differences. Just look in nature at the wonderous variety. We all share the same needs. Sometimes these differences are used as an excuse to attack each other. Bullying will look for any excuse to justify itself.

Bullying Excuse #4: You're it-Just because

Bullies have multiple reasons for choosing their target. But the truth is those reasons have nothing to do with who the bully is targeting. They are meeting their needs or getting what they want in a hurtful and destructive way.

When we are being treated badly we often try to find a reason behind it. The targeted child will change, try and disappear, wear different clothes but the truth is they are targeted just because the bully thinks he can get what he wants or needs. We think if we can find the reason and correct it the abuse with stop. We try to figure out what we’ve done to deserve being bullied.

Even some adults cling to this idea that the targets have somehow caused the bullying. In some cases the target needs help to make friends, change an annoying behaviour or build up their self esteem. In the majority of cases Bullying creates it’s own reasons-JUST BECAUSE. Bullying is the problem not the target.

BULLYING EXCUSE #5: We want you to disappear

Generally the Bullying started because of one of the above excuses but it escalates.

Sometimes bullies pursue their targets to a dangerous degree. This is the third level of bullying. Their actions go unchecked and grow in strength and cruelty over a long period of time. The person who bullies feels that any thing they do is acceptable because the person they are bullying has no value. It doesn’t matter if their target disappears. Those who bully to this extreme often have people around them who prefer to follow. The bullying almost takes on a life of it’s own. This type of relentless torment can lead to serious negative effects for the Bully and leave the target suffering it's effects for years. Of course the worst case scenario is Bullycide which is suicide as a result of bullying.

CONCLUSION:

Bullying is not inevitable. It does not have to be a normal part of childhood. We can find ways to support each other, learn from each other and create a world where we all feel welcome and respected.

Recognizing the power to choose is important. We can choose how to behave with our family, friends at school and in our community. Respecting others and respecting ourselves leads to respecting the world and all who live in it. We don’t have to settle for what we have learned and done in the past.

The TRUE Reason for Bullying.

The truth is bullies behave this way because they have un-met needs of their own. Bullying gives them a sense of power and control over some one else and this makes them feel better. Most bullies will not even understand themselves or what their behavior is about.

They don’t see the other child as a person…they see them as inferior, worthless and not deserving of the time of day let alone respect…
AND/OR the child being bullied has something your child wants or needs...
AND/OR they have low self esteem...
AND/Or they have been bullied in the past.

When considering if your child is bullying others the warning signs of being a bully are the beginning of a new understanding to help you become the parent your child needs. It does not mean your child should be punished or is bad in some way...or that you are a bad parent. It simply indicates the need for some change.

Now we know the truth there are no Bullying Excuses that are acceptable.

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