There are many effects of bullying on the bully. It may come as a surprise as the bully appears to be the cause of the bullying however they were not born that way. Bullies are made. They suffer effects of the bullying just like the target and the bystanders.
It is important to remember that bullying is not about anger or conflict. Sometimes it is about having contempt and feeling like another person is worthless, inferior and not deserving respect and others it is about the bully meeting his needs in a hurtful way.
Your child may be exhibiting level one bullying. Just a taunt, a name calling...here and there...once in a while. They may consider it funny or say the child deserves it because they behave differently or look different. Nothing to worry about.
Unfortunately, this is only the beginning. Whatever their excuse for the bullying it comes down to the simple fact they are judging others and showing intolerance and this can lead to contempt. It starts out innocent enough but it is just the testing of the waters so to speak.
It is important to recognize the warning signs of being a bully. Your child is bullying to meet a need. It is not normal to dominate, control and be hurtful to another "for fun".
The effects on the bully could include an inability to make friends, lack of tolerance, lack of empathy. It could indicate an unmet need and low self esteem. It could be an indication of a mental health issue.
If the bully does not get help the bullying can escalate to level 2 and beyond. They can terrorize, intimidate, torment and ridicule as well as physically assault or isolate the bullied child.
Let me start by saying a bully is not a bad kid and you are not a bad parent. However, your child needs help. If the bullying continues the effects of the bullying on the bully can be severe. The behaviour must change to avoid long term effects:
Being a bully is not a life sentence. We can choose to seperate the child from the behaviour and help them learn new ways of meeting their needs, improving their self esteem and supporting them in making changes.
It all begins with us. Bullies do not need to be punished but they do need discipline. We can help them learn to be assertive instead of aggressive, build their empathy capabilities and be responsible for their actions.
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