"Tuning In" is an important first step when connecting with your child.
It is the first thing they taught me at the Coaching Institute. We live busy lives and it can be challenging to find the time to really connect with our kids to be able to help them with bullying or any of many of life's challenges.
This skill will help you make the most of the time you have.
It is a great tool that Life Coaches like myself use to help "get in the zone" to make the most of every minute.
Especially if your child has been quiet or reserved it is important to be respectful of them and make this about them not about you.
Start by taking a calming breath....
Then focus on your child and go through this check list before you engage them in conversation
If it seems like a lot... well, it can be... At first...
We are used to powering through our day... and although our children are a huge priority...Bullying and other Crises can really mess with our schedules.
Some of us will see this and think... Hey, I already do that... Great... But most of us did not learn this along the way.
Luckily, if you practice this skill it will get easier and make dealing with bullying easier as well.
1) Beware your ego: It might pop up and try and make this about you. "I remember when I..." stories are best left for another time.
2) Beware of the Truth: Recognize there are mulitple truths. There are the facts about what happened, there is your childs' perception and then there is also the perception of others.
3) Beware of your Attachment: We are here to guide our children not do it for them. We have to let go of our attachment to what we want and allow our children to make their own decisions.
4) Beware of your judgement: We all have a sense of what is right and wrong and a tendency to judge things. Remember, if we judge our children will also judge.
So, clear your mind being conscious of the above and letting them go. Stop what you are doing, look at your child and allow them to tell you about the bullying or their day...or a special event... You need to focus on what they are saying and not worry about what your response will be.
Tuning in is a tried, tested and true communication tip that can really make it alot easier to talk to our kids... Have you ever heard your kid complain you were paying "too much attention" to them...
My guess is NOT...so tune in and listen to your child. You may be surprised.